Wednesday, March 02, 2005

They Turn Their Backs

Today while driving in the car I realized something...I'm hurt by people. I know...silly right...shouldn't I have known that? Truth is I probably should have, truth also is, I'd rather not talk about it. I'd rather not talk about how weak I am and how peoples thoughts and feelings affect me so deeply, truth is I'd rather not dwell on the fact that I crumble so quickly and falter so suddenly. I'd rather think about the fact that I'm stubborn and can show anyone how they can never knock me down, I'd rather portray that I don't care what you think about me...but truth is...I do. I care a lot.

I care what you think because if I don't care, then I obviously don't care about you and I care too much about people. If I didn't love people I wouldn't be going into social work. It's amazing to me how at one moment someone can think you're amazing and think you're so wonderful and you have a good heart and you're funny and gifted and then the next they think that you suck, they realize you're not perfect and instead of looking to themselves and understanding that they too aren't perfect, it's easier to point their fingers at you and blame you instead.

Have you noticed how easy it is for people to turn their backs on each other. Then the world wonders why children turn to drugs, alcohol, and sex. They wonder why women are hookers and dress provocatively, but how else do they get attention. They wonder why society is turning away from the church instead of towards the church, but I know why. It's because too many people in this world expect perfection. I'm guilty of it too, but I'm challenging myself to not expect perfection, but instead seek to expect myself to love unconditionally, because it's a love I've experienced little of. My passion, my heart, to show the hurt, broken, forgotten, unloved what it means to be loved, remembered, healed and beautiful...what are you doing? Don't make my job harder, don't break more people down, build them up...and don't break me down...because it's sure hard to love others when I hate you. Oh my burdened heart...to be free from worry, free from pain, and free from you. My prayers continue to rise for this moment...

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