Tuesday, July 19, 2005


So I've decided to update once again-- I'm not really sure why because I don't have much to say -- I just feel the need to update. Life is flowing -- maybe for the first time in months -- it's flowing smoothly and I find myself smiling much more often. I find myself forgetting my past church much more often and I find myself caring less -- I thought I'd hate when that moment care because I believed that the hurt I felt at least reminded me of the love I had -- now I feel nothing and it's quite nice -- to not hurt or really love them anymore -- it's not that I hate them by any means -- it's just that I'm freed I guess -- their opinion of me no longer bothers me -- their control no longer controls me. It's a great thing.

My life grows more interesting by the month -- it seems like I've had another summer of picking up the most ignorant men alive -- there was the guy who wanted to knock me up -- then the cable guy who called at 3 a.m. and then scattered wackos that hit on me in scattered bars, grills, restaurants, bookstores -- you know public -- it seems like normal guys are so few and far -- which is why my previous entry was placed here -- there is at least one normal guy.

But don't get me wrong I'm not a psychotic girl who meets a guy and gets married in 2 months -- I attended LCC -- but I never said I liked it. I don't idolize dumb decisions. Just thought I should make that clear.

Monday, July 11, 2005

I'm Getting Married -- Well sorta!

It's been awhile since I've posted here...life has been crazy. busy busy busy -- and I have update on my xanga more frequently -- this site is if I have something important to say. And I do -- There was this guy that my mom has been trying to set me up with since last Oct. I ignored her on it. I hung out with him for the first time this weekend at the church while he was helping me with some recording -- I'm going to marry him I've decided. He doesn't know yet -- but we're getting married. I say it partly joking because he doesn't know but mostly serious -- the connection we had at the church was priceless -- I've never felt it with anyone. It would make this whole Rantoul mess make sense if God brought me out of there to answer a prayer I've prayed several times but have known that the answer wasn't mine yet. Anyway I just keep praying that somehow God will let him know that we're getting married and have him ask me out on a real date!!!