Sunday, September 18, 2005

I Make No Sense

So it's been a long one even reads this anymore...which is why I feel like posting here. I'm really scared...more scared than ever. I don't know how to really explain to people how scared I am. Grad school is rounding down and I'm about to go into an internship and I'm nervous about this...I miss Donna so much...I feel like I'm walking into a field where I need support and have none...I've never felt more alone in my life.

But I have a strength that I don't know how to handle. I don't understand this peace that I feel and for the first time in my life I don't think I like feeling peace when everything in my mind says something so differently.

My mind wonders, will I be a good social worker, will I ever find my place in the church, will I ever meet a guy who will treat me good and like me....

So many answers...yet every morning I rise and everynight I go to sleep and for some reason I'm able to do this repeatedly without any resolve to these questions...this infuriates me...I want to wrestle God down and I need answers yet I don't need answers and I'm tried of wrestling...I make no sense....


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